Oakland Psychotherapy & Online Counseling
Relationship counseling
Partners | Friendships | Family | Coworkers| Codependency | Healthy boundaries | Attachment
How therapy helps improve relationships
Build healthier relationship patterns, increase intimacy, improve communication, and learn conflict resolution skills through psychotherapy. I am trained in helping create better relationships of all types. Unhealthy habits that cause problems with partners, colleagues, friends, or family members can be worked on in therapy. Learn how to “open up” and build intimacy in your friendships and romantic relationships.
Common relationship topics dealt with in therapy:
dealing with conflict
communication skills
dating
breaking down walls
improving boundaries
learning love languages
increasing intimacy/sex
compatibility
asking for what you need
reducing defensiveness
better listening skills
In psychotherapy I will teach you new techniques and tools to help you change how you interact with others. The skills you learn through relationship counseling will help you break unhealthy patterns of communication and improve conflict management styles. Be a better partner. Learn to ask for what you need. This will lead to longer-lasting, fulfilling relationships in your life.
What kinds of relationships I can help you with:
Partners
I work with individuals who come in needing support with problems in their romantic relationships and marriages. We discuss the issues you’re having so you can first understand how you’re feeling and what you can do about them.
I don’t typically provide couple’s counseling but once you and I start working together, if it seems like it might benefit you to include your partner in therapy, this may be a possibility we can discuss.
Partner problems frequently worked on in therapy:
* Miscommunication
* Arguments
* Infidelity
* Feeling alone
* Past trauma affecting current relationship
* Frequency of sex
* Raising children & family life
* Work/Life balance
* Mismatched priorities
* Finances
Family
Relationship support re. your parents, siblings, children and other family relatives is an important step in mental health.
Family problems frequently worked on in therapy:
* Pressure to get married/have kids
* Differences between parents and children re. cultural norms/expectations
* Finances
* Fighting & arguing
* Miscommunication
* History of familial trauma
* Death, loss, and grieving
Friends
Fighting with friends is incredibly painful because we rely on their support to help us get through life.
Here are some things we can explore re. your friendships:
* Hurt feelings
* Mismatch in effort in friendship
* Rejection
* Growing apart
* Making time for each other
* Jealousy
Coworkers
Because we interact daily with our coworkers, it’s important we are able to keep things running smoothly.
Common sources of conflict with coworkers:
* Communicating needs
* Saying no
* Imposter syndrome
* Difficult managers
* Collaborating on group projects
* Promotions
* Power dynamics
What kinds of skills you will learn about in relationship therapy
Healthy boundaries
People in healthy relationships know 2 very important things: When to say “yes” And when to say “no”. Most importantly, they know how to say them.
It is impossible to make everyone happy all the time— But we also can’t only think of our needs.
There is a balance, and I will help you navigate that grey area. You will learn how to ask for what you need in an assertive but kind way. You will also learn how to be comfortable saying no when a request jeopardizes your well-being.
Most people don’t know what “healthy boundaries” are or how to set them. In therapy we will discuss your relationship patterns and figure out how you can have space and separation from loved ones when necessary so you don’t feel trapped.
Saying no is very difficult for many people. Therapy with me will help you feel confident in setting limits so you are not taken advantage of by other people.
Conversely, asking for what you need might be a struggle for you. There are effective ways to communicate to help you get the support you need from your partner. You will learn these with my counsel in therapy.
Frequent and honest communication
The root of most conflict stems from miscommunication.
Oftentimes it comes from a place of misunderstanding or misinterpretation of something someone has said that rubbed us the wrong way. You can let them know this in a healthy way so you don’t end up with resentment.
In therapy you will learn how to take ownership of your feelings instead of blaming them on the other person. This will help reduce defensiveness in the other person.
It is also sets things up so it’s difficult for the other person to argue with you about how you feel. You feel the way you feel. That’s that!
Flexibility and an open mind
Being able to go with the flow is another important skill to maintain a healthy relationship. You will learn how to flex when things and people change in your relationships.
I will teach you ways to accept things that are out of your control in your relationship. But this does not mean giving up.
This simply means spending energy on things you can change and making peace with those things that aren’t worth the struggle.
Benefit of the doubt
When you give someone the benefit of the doubt, you will likely see better results than if you assume the worst.
When your relationship has a conflict, think about the other person’s perspective. Where are they coming from? What is the thought process behind their words, decisions, etc.
You may not know what kind of day they’ve had. If you approach them assuming they have good intentions, this will help your relationship thrive!
LGBTQIA+ relationship counseling
I welcome lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender and queer (LGBTQIA+) folks who want to work on creating stronger partnerships. Validation, safety, and trust are fundamental to my therapy style so you can feel comfortable sharing difficult things and discussing painful emotions.
I am dedicated to understanding each person’s unique relationship system and helping problem solve all kinds of dynamics. Through my counsel, you will better understand how to help each other feel understood and how to ask for what you need. Psychotherapy is an open space to explore your innermost thoughts and feelings which will in turn help you to express these to others when you need to.
Common relationship topics for therapy
Codependent relationships
Relying on others to fulfill all our emotional needs leads to codependent relationships. Feeling insecure about your own self worth leads you to overly depend on people to help you feel loved. In psychotherapy, we will identify areas of codependence and how it affects your life.
Learning what things are most important to you will help give your life purpose and direction. We will clarify these and use them to help you build independence and self-love. You will no longer need to rely on people to make you feel valuable after completing therapy with me. There will be a healthy separation between your feelings and needs and the feelings and needs of others.
Attachment
The way we connect with others often is shaped by our childhood and our relationship with caregivers. If you sometimes worry you are “too clingy” or “the jealous type” this might be related to a lack of healthy boundaries and a poor sense of self. I can provide you with counseling to overcome these obstacles and build healthy attachment.
There is a “push-pull” dynamic in most relationships. A balance between give and take. If one partner is always giving and never receiving or vice versa, this can lead to all sorts of relationship problems. In therapy you will better understand how to connect with loved ones in a healthy and balanced way.
How to maintain healthy relationships during times of conflict
All relationships have problems from time to time. Conflicts can happen in our friendships, as well as in our romantic, professional, and family relationships. Relationships are hard to manage sometimes.
Before we meet, I’d love to share some tricks to help you improve your relationships.
Book today and receive a free 10-minute consultation